“Am I qualified for this job?”
“Am I as competent as everyone thinks I am? What if I am not and they find out?”
“What if I underperform?”
“Do I deserve this success? Did I make this happen?”
“Was it just…luck?”
These questions kept tormenting a friend (let’s call her Rita) after she accepted an offer from a reputable company she’d been aiming for since she was an undergrad. Even after graduating top of her class with an impressive collection of internships, volunteer experience, practical skills, and acing her aptitude tests and interview, she still felt she wasn’t cut out for the role. Little did Rita know she wasn’t alone in her dilemma.
In our ever-fast-paced and competitive world, it’s easy for our brains to get stuck in a whirlpool of troubling feelings and thoughts, especially where our accomplishments are concerned. Sometimes we become convinced that we don’t belong or have managed to con everyone into thinking we’re more competent, hardworking, and smarter than we may seem, therefore, our successes must be undeserved.
We repel, downplay, doubt, or simply refuse to acknowledge or enjoy them because doing so would feel untrue or criminal. We convince ourselves we’re intellectual and professional pretenders, fraudsters, and inadequate, even when we know we put our sweat into whatever we have accomplished. These experiences are telltales of the psychological rollercoaster known as impostorism, imposter phenomenon, or the mostly used term, imposter syndrome, which is more common than you might think.
Women’s Battle with Imposter Syndrome
Two psychologists, Dr. Pauline Rose Clance, and Dr. Suzanne Imes first dived deep into the phenomenon in 1978. Their initial collaboration was borne out of the realization that they both had a similar history of internalized fears and doubts about their competencies even though they were high achievers. In their work together, they discovered those fears were far from unique as several of their students and clients who were mostly women also shared similar anxieties. Although it was established that imposter syndrome occurred in both genders, they asserted that it was more prevalent in women, attributing it to factors such as gender stereotypes, inclinations to perfectionism, family dynamics, and pressures from workplace settings.
Even as women continue to shatter glass ceilings and traditionally inspired mentalities, the fight against certain stereotypes hasn’t been won yet. From an early age, women are exposed to biases that undermine their capabilities relative to the opposite gender. There is still a culture of double standards where confident men, for example, are praised, but confident women are labeled as “bossy”, “overbearing”, “aggressive”, “intimidating” and “unfeminine”. Therefore, in trying to assert themselves, they simply can’t be too assertive.
In many homes and cultures, women are conditioned to be modest in boasting about their accomplishments, while dealing with a comparison culture that pits them against one another. Moreover, women may be gaining traction in leadership roles, STEM fields, and other areas, but expressions like “beauty with brains” are still used as compliments as if to suggest that beauty and brains don’t normally co-exist. (Does anybody ever say, “handsome with brains”?).
Women working in especially male-dominated spaces could also face pressures to work harder to prove to themselves and everyone that they can reach the same goals as their male counterparts. This could encourage perfectionist behaviors, overcompensation, and anxieties, and reinforce internalized beliefs of inadequacies, especially when it is not uncommon for others to assume they got their roles and statuses through some dubious means.
All these and more fuel the enemy called imposter syndrome. The feelings and thoughts associated with it can make the most self-assured person embark on a point-proving quest by setting unrealistically high standards whose nonachievement further fuels their anxieties. They can make any success seem like a trivial, unmerited thing not worth celebrating, and lead to opportunities being passed on or promotions being avoided for fear of failure. They can push anyone to over-concentrate on their insecurities and perceived weaknesses instead of strengths and evidence of capability. Imposter syndrome can be a silent killer of dreams, motivation, commitment, contentment, and confidence if left to fester. It needs to be effectively quelled.
How Do You Crush The Enemy Within?
Remember your strengths and don’t give luck all the credit!
Overcoming imposter syndrome is a conscious effort of a mindset shift that begins with acknowledging that we are not superhumans and hence can’t know or do it all, and that is okay. But what we can do, we do it, while maintaining healthier and more balanced perspectives on the result. We have to understand that self-doubt is a part of growing and learning but has no power to define our true abilities or capabilities. When it manifests – as it will sometimes – it is important to highlight all the tangible proof that we actually have what it takes. Reflect on the countless hours you put into your work, exams, school, family, and anything else you’re engaged in and ask yourself if any good that comes out of it is really all just luck.
Set realistic goals
It is important to set clear, realistic, and achievable goals within sustainable frameworks or standards to avoid the tendency of striving to fulfill some high expectations that consequently lead to discontent if those goals are not fully met. Understand that having limits doesn’t translate into underperforming or underachieving. It just means you are choosing to focus more on process and progress, instead of unattainable ideals that can trigger more negative internalized beliefs.
Document your successes
Count your blessings (successes) and name them one by one. This is one of the best ways to keep track of not just your accomplishments but the journey that leads to them. It provides tangible proof of effort and corresponding results. You can also record certain drawbacks or areas of weakness to help you reflect on how you overcome them. Whether it’s journaling in a notebook or writing on slips of paper to fold and keep in a box, count your successes so that when any of the feelings associated with imposter syndrome begins to creep up on you, you can have something to stand on and declare, “We’re not doing this anymore!”
Give yourself grace and surround yourself with light
Extend some kindness and compassion to yourself and take it, as the song goes, “one day at a time”. Be your biggest cheerleader and speak words of affirmation to yourself when you need an empowerment boost. Surround yourself with positive people who are not triggered by your accomplishments but rather help you celebrate them. Find good mentors who recognize your abilities, provide guidance, give constructive feedback, and help counteract feelings of self-doubt. Chances are, they’ve been at war with imposter syndrome too.
All in all, always know that your accomplishments are well-deserved and don’t let any syndrome or whatever else take that away from you!